Tears...

well, i had a very long talk with my mother yesterday and during the entire conversation i had this thought in my brain that said u gotta write this as your next post ... and so here comes my next post .. well it all started with my mum wathcin some old tamil senti movie and her eyes became moist during one of those dragging scenes .. well this brought my old feeling of guilt back and in full... and i also was readin one night @ the call center and could see how easily people get tears in their eyes!!.. and these tears that i see will make me wonder whether god forgot to give me a tear gland...

There have been times when i have felt like i am the most miserable person in the world and am sure anyone else in my position would hav shed something through their eyes!!.. but nothing comes out of mine!!.. one particular incident was when my favourite cousin Varun had passed away and so many people around were crying and i felt devastated and people like my mum were making the floor wet.. but there was no contribution to the small pool from my part!!.. even though anyone in my position would have cried for hours!!..

I have always felt guilty!!.. i have always wondered whether i am some hardened guy who could never feel and even shed tears!!.. i haven't told this to anyone ...but of course they would have wondered "doesnt he ever feel!!" .. on such moments i have even thought of banging my head hard somewhere so that my eyes start watering and then kick start the process!!...

I had wanted to keeps this a secret but yesterday i couldnt, so i asked my mum!!.. she said that this might happen to some people(wow!!..am supposedly one in millions) , apparently she hadread it in a book!!, some i beleive, she said that i am not someone unfeeling and hardened am jus like any other person.. but with a level of control!!.. and she also warned me that one day would come when i would cry like no other person in this world , like a new born kid, and i would make up for everyother oppoerunity i had missed to make my eyes moist!!..

(a huge sigh)

well!!.. i wonder wen that day would come!!...