A Paunchy Problem...

Ever since I have come to Chennai I have been constantly putting on weight…

Few of u who see me now will believe me when I say that I had been underweight throughout my childhood right up to the time I entered college…

Then I moved in with my grandparents…who live in KK Nagar, close to the college.

That day onwards, there has been a remarkable change in me…from a puny underweight boy, I have transformed into a healthy(lets take it as a compliment) guy with a slightly rotund waist which has been threatening to go south any day…And with a family history of a bulging waistline(both my dad and granddad have big stomachs), this has not been a slight worry for me…

The problem is that my grandparents have a different definition of what the ideal daily intake of food should be…my patti in particular feels that at this growing age(though the only growth visible is horizontal) it is imperative for me to eat sufficient amount of food…Any hesitation on my behalf is taken by her as an indication that I don’t like her food(I love her food…those of u who have tasted her cooking will agree with me…but there is a limit to which the human stomach can be contorted and twisted to accommodate ever increasing quantities of albeit tasty food). So in an effort to keep her happy, I eat…boy do I eat…and well…I guess it shows…

A classic example of the highly developed capabilities of my stomach was prevalent a couple of days back, when I decided to eat bhel puri, pani puri, and jalebi(mouth wateringly tasty ones I might add) on the way back from college…filling enough u say..but my patti didn’t know that I had eaten out…so she gave me murukku, thengoyal, mysore pak and adirasam for tiffin when I got home…scared of invoking her wrath..this innocent poor scapegoat ate it…ate it all…and then washed it down with a cup of tea…mind u all this took place within a time span of 1 hour between 4:30 and 5:30..

Enough u say…no…there is more…I was then called by my patti around 7:15 to eat dinner…yes…more food…and I ate…with my stomach groaning…and whining…and pleading me not to…but I survived…there was the usual comment from my patti that I was not eating enough and that she would have to complain to my mom(I told her to go ahead and do so…my mom is a lot more scared of my patti’s food vending habits than I am)…but well finally…it was over…I dragged myself to bed…apologized to my stomach and requested it to behave till the morning and then….blissfully fell asleep…

In order to overcome this threat to my pant size…I decided to start going for walks…so every evening after coming back from college…and then eating(I am not allowed to go out otherwise)…I go for a walk around the neighbourhood…not that there is much to see around here…though I do now know the locations of all the shops in the area. I stuck to this routine for around 2-3 weeks after which I got bored…I am now resigned to this fat fate of mine and all I can do is pray that it doesn’t get bigger than this…

Signing off…

Increasingly yours...

Sriram

My First Step...

A week ago, I made a decision, a very important one…to join MBA…This is something which I have pondered over and broken my head about for a long time…Being a brilliant procrastinator…I nearly left it for too long…But now that I have decided, not only do I feel relieved…that I finally have a focus and a goal in life…I feel that I am actually trying to work towards something concrete and that finally…I know where my life might be heading at the end of these engineering days…

That got me thinking about my childhood days when my only worries used to be whether there would be games period tomorrow…or what would be for dinner(hopefully not some bloody vegetable that I detest)…I remember thinking how much better it would be to be grown up when no one could go about telling me what to do and I could finally be independent…It is now that I miss the comfort and the carefreeness of childhood when all I needed to do at the end of each day was to go sleep next to my dad who would keep patting me till I finally slept off…no worries about wat I am gonna do tomorrow(other than maybe how to copy that incomplete homework??!!) or for that matter the days after that…That is bliss I tell you…but it is also something that will never come back….sadly…

The grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it…

Now, living with my grandparents, studying in Chennai…I miss those days when my parents would always be around to make all those important and difficult decisions for me…it is not that they are not there for me now…but now…I have to decide and they just give me their support…At a very important crossroad in my life…

For nearly 4-5 months I wondered over what I should do…cos I felt that to just let it drift like it that would achieve no objective…

If you want to go somewhere in life…then stop dragging your feet and start moving…

I had been very confused because I have been interested both by the technical side and more recently by the management side…and the attraction of getting myself a job at the end of these two years has also been a distraction and an attraction…

I went about asking plenty of people and got a variety of opinions…and ended up where I started…thoroughly confused…My parents always stood by me though, never trying to influence me one way or the other…all they asked me was for a quick decision…before it was too late…

Cos as they say…

Procrastination is a sin…I know it is wrong…I ll stop it…but tomorrow…

Finally, I have made a decision…and it feels good…the decision might have been the wrong one…but even then…now that I know where I am going…it is a huge burden off my shoulder…cos the guilt of wandering aimlessly is gone…U know…how they say that the first step is always the hardest one…very true…and now that I have taken that step…I feel a lot better…

P.S.- I know that the joint post is being held up cos of me…I ll try to complete as soon as possible…so please be patient…

Tears...

well, i had a very long talk with my mother yesterday and during the entire conversation i had this thought in my brain that said u gotta write this as your next post ... and so here comes my next post .. well it all started with my mum wathcin some old tamil senti movie and her eyes became moist during one of those dragging scenes .. well this brought my old feeling of guilt back and in full... and i also was readin one night @ the call center and could see how easily people get tears in their eyes!!.. and these tears that i see will make me wonder whether god forgot to give me a tear gland...

There have been times when i have felt like i am the most miserable person in the world and am sure anyone else in my position would hav shed something through their eyes!!.. but nothing comes out of mine!!.. one particular incident was when my favourite cousin Varun had passed away and so many people around were crying and i felt devastated and people like my mum were making the floor wet.. but there was no contribution to the small pool from my part!!.. even though anyone in my position would have cried for hours!!..

I have always felt guilty!!.. i have always wondered whether i am some hardened guy who could never feel and even shed tears!!.. i haven't told this to anyone ...but of course they would have wondered "doesnt he ever feel!!" .. on such moments i have even thought of banging my head hard somewhere so that my eyes start watering and then kick start the process!!...

I had wanted to keeps this a secret but yesterday i couldnt, so i asked my mum!!.. she said that this might happen to some people(wow!!..am supposedly one in millions) , apparently she hadread it in a book!!, some i beleive, she said that i am not someone unfeeling and hardened am jus like any other person.. but with a level of control!!.. and she also warned me that one day would come when i would cry like no other person in this world , like a new born kid, and i would make up for everyother oppoerunity i had missed to make my eyes moist!!..

(a huge sigh)

well!!.. i wonder wen that day would come!!...